How They Do It- Natalie's Story

I came across this meme (below) one day when I was participating in a phenomenon that a girlfriend of mine recently called “active procrastination”.  You know what I’m talking about. I should have been e-mailing my kid’s teacher about that missing assignment (part of my MOM job), writing about my latest epiphany (part of my BLOGGER job), cleaning up the forever pile of my clothes on our bedroom floor (part of my WIFE job), or searching for a video for next Sunday’s service (part of my WORSHIP DIRECTOR job). Instead I was on Facebook (part of NONE of my jobs, whatsoever) and I saw this and it made me laugh and laugh.

Like the ever-wise Homer Simpson once said, “It’s funny ‘cause it’s true.”

Being a wife, mom, blogger, and worship director takes bravery. In all four of those areas, I’m not going to get it right all the time. I’m going to screw up….sometimes royally. My husband will feel neglected, my kids will cry real tears because I snapped at them, a friend will feel furious disagreement about a blog post I wrote, and I will forget a deadline at church which will make my admin. assistant have to scramble. On a Friday. At quitting time.

Along with all of that screwing up, I tend to chew up and swallow a guilt sandwich. And, all of that guilt adds up into a party sub, it sits like a rock in my stomach, weighing me down, making me not want to make a mistake again. But, to not make mistakes, I have to not act. To not act, I should give it all up. Or at least some of it. Maybe just the blogger and worship director part of it so I can focus more on the wife and mom part. Or, change my personality, maybe? Gag myself? Hole up inside my house and not share my thoughts and struggles with anyone?

I’ve actually tried some of those things before. And you know what? They didn’t work so well. Trying to change the me I was made to be is not the answer to not making mistakes or hurting people.  Truly, life is a series of mistakes. I am going to screw up. I am going to hurt people.

I’m not trying to be a downer here. Quite the opposite. Knowing the reality of my human-ness, I have chosen to become grateful for the times I screw up because they show me that I am doing more than actively-procrastinating my way through life.

Not only that, but when I make a mistake, I choose to not swallow the guilt that comes nor do I let it eat away at me. I also use that as a chance to sit down with my husband, children, friend, or co-worker and look them straight in the eyes and apologize for what I did to hurt them. I tell them that my first job in life is to love God and love others, and any actions that did not show that are not ones I’d like to repeat again.

Then I ask the scariest questions of all: “Will you forgive me?”

Most of the time there is a quick “Yes, of course” and lots of hugging to follow.

But sometimes, there’s not. Sometimes it’s not that simple. Sometimes my relationships with friends have been cut off due to my careless actions. Sometimes my children say: “Why were you talking in your mean voice, mom?”. Sometimes a person at work decides to write me off because of one misheard comment and doesn’t want to sit down and talk about it. Sometimes it takes a while for the pain I caused my husband to subside, even though he does forgive me.

What to do when it doesn’t all turn out unicorns and rainbows?

For me, I drink in the grace of God. I meditate on the fact that He made me in His image and that, even though He knew I was going to be a royal screw-up, He sent his Son, Jesus, to earth to die for the crap I did and continue to do. And, because of this, I’m already forgiven of those “greater mistakes” yet to come.

I choose to find comfort and joy in the fact that the God who made me gave up everything for me and now lives inside of me, guiding me with His Spirit.

It’s hard to believe, I know. There are days where I cry out to Him that I don’t deserve it. I ask Him how He could still love me after the numerous times I’ve run away from His open arms. And you know what? He is super faithful to answer me every time with verses like this one:

For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." - Zephaniah 3:17

My friend, you know how I do it? By trusting that the Lord YOUR God is among us and the he has saved us from sin, death and Satan….and even from ourselves. He delights in you AS YOU ARE. Won’t you let Him love and calm you?

Do you hear that? He’s singing over you….and me….and our mistakes….past, present and future.

Natalie lives in MN with her husband, 2 boys (ages 8 and 10) and 1 little girly (age 5). 

She is a musician and a blogger (http://thegreatesttreasure.wordpress.com/) and constantly fights the urge to fly south for the winter.

Oohh Baby, It's Cold Outside (aka The Kids Are Driving Me Nuts)

Only here in the northern parts of the great USA is school cancelled statewide because IT'S TOO DAMN COLD!  You should never live anywhere you hear "Feels like -30 outside".  As a result, the kids are home and driving me nuts!

What? It's not like you haven't felt the same about your kids once or twice.  Honestly, I think that Christmas pretty much ruined them.  They've turned into a bunch of ungrateful, whiney, brats.  I say this with total and utter love, mind you.

Maybe it's our own fault.  We had a really great year and decided to get the girls some second hand iPads so they could use all those cool reading apps out there, place ABCmouse which their Nana set up for them, and all of that.  What we really did was create monsters!! When I suggested they put down the iPads and go play in their room with their new toys they first asked if they could instead watch TV (no), watch a movie (no), play a video game on the WiiU (no) and then proceeded to have an utter meltdown.  According to them, they have nothing to do. No fun toys. They hate playing.  What have we done?

Besides now the not-so-proud mother of little electronic addicted monsters, they have been at each other's throats constantly for the last week. They communicate only in tattling and yelling.

Now again, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids. But today... well.  I'm hiding in here with you.

Big Goals for 2015

Image borrowed from Floss & Mischief- an awesome place for trendy needlework patterns

Sorry folks, but I'm taking a day off from Maker's Monday to talk about resolutions.  I'm sure that there are still one or two of you out there that are still looking for your photos for the hand embroidered portrait tutorial anyway. Right?

As I alluded to last Thursday, I've had a hard time trying to decide where to set my focus for 2015.  Then, I read this interesting article by author James Clear. In it, he talks about forgetting goals and focusing on systems and how goal setting can actually rob us of our happiness- when we don't succeed we fail.  By creating systems we create a new way of life.  I particularly liked this piece:

"I was training at the gym last week and I was doing my second-to-last set of clean and jerks. When I hit that rep, I felt a small twinge in my leg. It wasn’t painful or an injury, just a sign of fatigue near the end of my workout. For a minute or two, I thought about doing my final set. Then, I reminded myself that I plan to do this for the rest of my life and decided to call it a day.

In a situation like the one above, a goal-based mentality will tell you to finish the workout and reach your goal. [...]  Of course, I know that if I never miss a workout, then I will lift bigger weights in the long-run. And that’s why systems are more valuable than goals. Goals are about the short-term result. Systems are about the long-term process. In the end, process always wins. "  James Clear

I'm still fine tuning what my systems look like, but ideally what I would like to see myself focusing on for 2015 is:

*Continue to make reading a priority.  If I had to set a number on it I would again like to average 2 books per month with 3-4 of those being classics. I would particularly like to tackle Grapes of Wrath once and for all (I've only started 3 times now...). I'm starting off the new year with Pride & Prejudice mostly so that I don't look like such a poser when I get my new Kindle cover:

Kindle cover from Marston Bindery on Etsy. Find their shop HERE!

Isn't it awesome? My Kindle will be going with me everywhere so that I can spend time reading while I wait rather than mindlessly trolling social media. I want to continue to make room for poetry. 

*Bring my family & home back to the forefront.  Holey Socks Art has been so successful since launching just over a year ago. It has exceeded my expectations and is utterly fabulous, however, for me it has been stealing more time than I like from my family and from my house.  I want to keep the amount of energy it requires in check. I am going to get strict about my daily cleaning list and prioritize housework first thing (eat that frog!).  I'm setting a ceiling on how many custom embroidered portraits I'm going to do. I'm paring down my Etsy shop and no longer taking custom button orders. There will be no work while the kids are home; work will not take up the time I have with my husband. 

An oldie but a goodie!

* I want to make health a priority. I want to take time for myself to build a stronger, healthier body.  I recently received a Veggetti  for Christmas so this is a great place to start.  I've also taken up morning yoga in my kitchen and recently downloaded the most wonderful yoga app.  I hope to lace up my running shoes again.  I remember how good it made me feel- so why is it so hard to keep it up? For me, it can't be about weight so that is where the systems come into play for me.  If I make it about a lifestyle change, then I'm more likely to have patience with myself and more likely to succeed.  I can be really harsh on myself when "getting healthy" = "losing weight".  Each time I step on the scale that damn tape starts playing in my head...  Which leads us to:

*Work on learning to have grace with myself.  Work on loving myself, forgiving myself, and valuing myself. Strive to believe that I truly deserve the good that comes to me and that I deserve happiness. Stop putting myself down.  Stop comparing myself. Continue to live honestly. 

*Make my marriage a priority.  I think it's so easy to fall into a rut of being mostly "business partners" (in the business of raising kids and running a household), occasional friends, and seldom lovers.  I'd like to work on flipping that on it's head- hell, I don't even have a recent picture of us together! I want to laugh more together, touch more often, and remember all the wonderful reasons I love him rather than concentrate on the flaws. 

So there you have it.  Maybe a bit vague compared to other approaches I've taken, but for me I feel like I'm much more likely to succeed trying a systems based approach vs. a number based one.  Don't get me wrong, the Type A portion of me will always be planning ahead and deciding where I need to focus and what I need to prioritize.  Though, knowing that if I manage to work out only 2 days instead of 3-4 because of extenuating circumstances I will still be succeeding rather than having failed will keep me happier and give me less of an excuse to throw in the towel having already "failed anyway".  After all, I am my own worst enemy. 

Got any similar resolutions? Let's hear 'em!

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