A Whole Lotta S***t Rolled into One

No work tomorrow! Or Monday, for that matter. Playing catch up, as usual. Here is our last weekend. Local festival season. Balloons, bouncing, ice cream, ponies and naps. Think that about sums it up. This weekend is yet to come, but I know it will be fun spending time with family and all of those we love.

Addi

Lili

I am in love with the top two photos and am currently making a little something of them. Little japanese goco wonders similar to the bicycles (which was a terrible picture, I know. There will be better ones some day soon, I hope).  I have been feeling quite irritable of late. Most of it I am sure is related to quitting smoking (yes, AGAIN! Ugh. Lay off already!) though that has been 1 whole month already. Part of it has been this feeling of never having time to myself, which is hard for my extrovert of a hubbie to empathize with. I often feel overwhelmed with being a worker-bee, mother, wife, chauffeur, friend, etc that I never feel as if I get a moment to myself.  What I realized of late, is that perhaps I do get some time to myself, but not perhaps, quality time. There are so many things I enjoy doing and so little time. I had been spending much of that time reading, but that is a hard thing for me to use as a recharge as it often just leaves me yearning for more, dying to know what happens next. 

I have found my way back to creation, to "art" I guess, though some may not call it such. I have found that making things with my goco, besides fun, seems to make these things less "precious", therefore, freeing me up to make things I would not normally make. I've had a block for such a long time, still do I suppose when holding a paint brush, that making such trivial things such as cards, tshirts or stationary is allowing me to try new things without the pressure. I am not sure that this is anything that will make sense to many of you, but that is alright I suppose. It is still cathartic. I have missed it more than I would have guessed. It is these sort of things that refuel me and raise my spirts and remind me that I am Kelly as well as all of those things that I named above. I am more than my roles. As the spanish philosopher Ortega y Gasset says: " I am me and my circumstances". 

I have also been feeling for quite awhile, since before my kids where born even, that I am losing parts of myself that I really like. Things such as my open-mindedness & ability not to be so judgmental, my quirky, my laidback-edness, my fun, goofy, silly part of me that laughed loud & often. Maybe it is some disease of adulthood, but I want it back. So, in hopes of hanging onto that, I decided to go ahead with something I had been wanting to do for years. I got a tattoo. One that I love and have longed for, full of images and meanings that speak to me on a level that I am not sure I can really explain, and that the fist shaker in me had been telling me I couldn't get for all sorts of ridiculous type reasons. Reasons like: What will your co-workers/clients/kids/strangers think? People will think you are white trash. People with think you are a bad mom. How will they look when you are older? You won't be "attractive" anymore? Blah,blah,blah. Then I realized, this is something I really wanted, that makes me feel sexy, and though people may doubt it, I am damn good at what I do and there are no kids in the world that know their mother loves them more than my kids do. I have another tattoo on my wrist which is the symbol for "imperishable-ness of self". I will be true to myself. That is what makes me happy and proud of who I am. Also, my muscles look even more bad-ass now so maybe think twice before you mess with me! And I would hope that when I am 80 y/o I will have gotten past such vanities and be happy with myself and my life, or at least be more worried about the fact that I know have to lift my breasts to wash out my bellybutton. Ha, just kidding, other than the part about looking B.A.- I won't lie, I've been flexing a lot in the mirror... Laugh it up!

Just the outline & shading. Color to come in a couple weeks.