So far, not so good...

So my first month of trying to "enlighten" myself is turning out to be much more difficult than I had imagined.  My first goal it to set myself with a blank canvas, so to speak. Go to bed early to ensure enough sleep (I don't know about you, but I am feel like a temper tantrum toddler if I am tired), drink enough water, eat well, exercise more etc.  The basics.  Sounds simple.

Well, there's a reason I don't do the basics on a regular day.  First, I don't like water so much. Coffee, tea, Mt Dew are all so much more tasty! Second, I find that when I tell myself I need to do something (eat better, drink water) I just want what I can't have that much more! How does one reverse psychology myself?

Go to bed early. Well, there is one I've been semi-successful with. My goal has actually to be in bed by 9:30-10:00 pm; the thing that makes this difficult is that by the time I am usually done doing housework and yelling at my kids to finally GET IN BED AND BE QUIET ALREADY!!!! it is 9:00.  Lucky me, 30 whole minutes to myself for the whole stinkin' day. Oops, that's right, I also have a relationship to work on so, no. No minutes. Okay the 20-30 minutes I spend driving to work and from work to day care each day are all mine. Yippee skippee. And all this "extra sleep" just finds me having a harder time waking up in the morning and running late.  Hmmm...

Well, the other thing that I am struggling with of late is simply the stress of life.  Why does it seem that when you cannot possibly handle one more thing you get that and then some falling on your head? I think that sums up our family at the moment.  When we feel like maybe we finally have a handle on things, we are on the same page and have a plan, well, it all just crumbles.  Today, it was the check engine light coming on in the van after an odd "catch" in the transmission while going up hill.  That does not seem promising.  I think I might be better off junking both vehicles and buying a horse.  I have always wanted a horse.  But seriously, it is just so frustrating.  I am 30-something years old and getting older and wearier each day and I feel like we are just worse and worse off.  When do we get to feel like responsible grown ups whom have things together and don't have to worry about being able to buy groceries? I just want to feel optimistic about our future...

I have been working to cultivate my faith (or mostly lack there of, I suppose) and all of this has been a struggle on me.  Almost seems like it's made things more difficult, if that makes any sense. I can't say whether any of you can relate, but I find it hard to have faith at a time like this. So many questions, most of which start with Why?  Luckily, I am slowly cultivating a friend, who seems to always have something good to say at times like these, and reminded me that Satan isn't going to give me up without a fight and at the same time, gave me something to think on tonight:

First: Faith is being sure of what you HOPE for and certain of what you cannot see. 


Second: Philippines 4:5-8

The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

On a happier note, some of the cute things that do bring me happiness:

Addi: Mama, if we are good listeners can we stay up later?

Me: Maybe, we'll see.

Addi: Okay, Mama.  I like your stinky feet. I will rub them for you if you want.

Lili: I love you so much Mama

Me: I love you so much, too, Lili.  More than the world.

Lili: I love you more than the world, too, Mama... & ice cream! I love ice cream but I love you more!